Today I wake up with a mind flooded with questions: Is heaven real? Is Mateo there? What is heaven like? Is it perfect? Will I see him again?

​​Will he be older when I see him in heaven, or will he still be a baby? Will I get a second chance to watch him grow up?

If heaven is truly a place with no suffering, no pain, no hardship, no sickness, and only beauty, joy, and peace, then why am I mourning? Am I sad for his sake that he didn’t get to spend 100 years in an imperfect world? That doesn’t sound right. Am I sad for my sake that I didn’t get to enjoy him in this life? If so, does that make me selfish? If this life only lasts 100 years, and the next life lasts for eternity, then in the grand scheme of things there’s not much to mourn.

So instead, today, I will choose to rejoice. Who knows what emotions tomorrow will bring. But for today, I will choose to rejoice. Both for Mateo’s sake and for my sake.

​“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes there will be no more death, sadness, crying or pain. All the old ways are gone.” Revelation 21:4